What is a man that his heart would little more than donnybrook within as it sought after falling in Love for Eternity and for the ages…
what is a man toil and joy as he is struggles to surrender to the Greater…intimated by irresistable belief, and yet, he too finds the motive of tucking himself away from anyone, unable to get close enough to hurt anyone just as appealing…such emotions call in comfort and are driven by the conviction of past failures hushed deep down inside.. What is a man who dreams of a bride but begs for no such opprtunity..keeping himself and his insatiable selfishness just out of reach of those he truly cares most for. The delicate difference between ‘being set aside’ and ‘setting yourself aside.’
How can a man reconcile his past not solely in Christ but through Christ; demanding that living-in-light-of participation with his today and certainly with his tomorrow?
How does a man again seek rescue on this side of Grace…having escaped the ensnares of Evil to only then find himself, now, best kept in secret…unable to, with peace in his hands, reach out and Love someone in the forever kind of way?
So…how best does our Hero seek rest? Does he find it alone with God and His creation, risking the monastic appeal as it tosses its scents into the air like freshly cut aphrodyziacs, whispering sweet withdrawl…for he knows that such restrain would come the imbibed embitterness, filling his every place. Perhaps such a man accepts in his heart that his imperfections and his failures are certainly worth risking for the chance at Love with someone…that somehow gambling with someone’s forever is worth it so long as he’s committed to fighting against the outcome that so readily scares him off.
There are no good men in this world, only good intentions outdone by a Good God.
Somewhere in between hope and hesitation, between laughing ’til tears come and tearing ’til laughing arrives…that is where this tension leaves such a man. He lingers, quite simple and peaceful despite his ingredients tossed carelessly within him; dishevelled yet determined.
How pernicious the fallen prince is, ruling this world with ruinous yarn and spiteful song…seeming to never tire in his task of hunting all of us until we would not simply cease, but would, with what breath he loathingly planned to let linger, confess defeat and failure.
I often wonder how many of the monastics trecked out to God-knows-where to not only seek solitude and a better vantage to hear the “still small quiet voice” that is our God, but also so that they would only have themselves to entreat to failures that seemed as inexorible as they do incessant…not within reach of Loved ones, or even within earshot of that sacred one to Love.
But even in this a man would enlist his redeemed posture to the trappings of the belly-slider that started this Fall in the first place…for were we to run into hiding, keeping ourself from all that is evil, we would surely find that our isolatory ideas would be no more saving than they would be strangling…After all, “He came so that we may have Life abundantly.”
Such a man has childish regrets…he wishes he would have known Father God from such a young age, for God would have never let him dream in such a way that would all but be his undoing in the time to come. He learned that romance was a place to be beckoned forth and fought for. He leanrs still that such a place is without prediction or assumption that lands on anything more solid than guesswork. He learns that such a world is never to be exhausted and calls to him with peace and a sword, urging him to explore to such a world. But while he was still young and unlearned, he fashioned out of that place called Love a rival for the Lord of Hosts…one that would plague him in the years to come in both his search for the fulfillment of that one woman and in complete service to the King…He fashioned dreamworks and rivalry out of God’s gift and possibility for his future.
Such a man knows the pedal-covered isle which his Love has long traversed…for such dreams have imbedded themself deep within him, and have long been decorated by his thoughts.
This same man, nudged and pleaded into hero’s light, would find more confidence at times in living and dining beneath stardrops that keep his whereabouts hidden from the world, than sharing a table or a gym with a possible Lover…a pale redeemed reflection of a rescued man living as a little boy…safe, but selfishly, and never fearless.
Such a man, if left to his ruminations, admits his loathing of the wedding isle…it is often crowded in his dreams, (often forgetting to invite even himself) feared if ever it nears, and found empty if ever sought after. When the isle is aroused before its time it proves to be nothing more than the ambience of royalty, the illusions of answers; spinning softly overhead like infant galaxies, playful as they inspire dreams to come where little boys first find sleep.
Time is slow sometimes…from nightlights to now it has seemed to slow only to teach and break men, and otherwise indifferently presses on with or without its little ones moaping or mapping the way.
Such a man is still a little boy…ever more dangerously in Love with being in Love. Such a man, despite his paramount memory of wrong-doing, has been spared from infinite, inexorable failures that only ever their flesh would plot for their ruin. Such a man knows, God spilled and dripped promise in his name… hoping, daring even, that he would learn to be His bride and His lover before ever thinking of taking one of his own. God so intended that such a man would think and be consumed with the steps it took to make Golgotha infamous before those shuffling through such a man’s wedding isle.
Perhaps again…it truly is that simple. Such a man does not and cannot seek God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength, as he is commanded to do. Such a man waits patiently, passionately doubting yet steadfast in the Lord…only to learn that God is the one waiting on him. Insides will ache and stretch with what they have indulged and drawn close over the quick many a years, but all too was God leaving his impression. For God allowed in as much Light as He did dark in order, and in hope, that one day His little boy would come running back to Him, calling out,
“Father”…”Lover”…”Hero”…”I’m sorry for everything. I want to love You now.”
Such a man longs for a nourishing faith, unwavering, made stronger by seeking, not simply accepting blindly the treasures of all the galaxies gift-wrapped and draped on a cross. Such a man should confess, and seek in his heart for the answer…I am either one of the worst and most dangerous lovers you have ever known…or worse…not a Lover of You at all.
I am such a man…discerning just how to let go, how to find rest, and how to Live the way I was made…simply, with a serious joy, laughing and inspiring, learning and listening…going slower than what I feel to be slow, going where confidence only can tread, and in ways that make Father proud…so that when I see Him one day, face-to-face, I can talk of things other than apologies and regrets with him.
Oh how I do long to call someone wife, to serve them and fight for them…to cook for them, to make them laugh and to help her be free the way God made her…but in the throws of the Court you have only enough allegiance for one Master if you wish to survive and dwell.
I say through a grin, to any man who has ever felt the tension of wanting only perfection to be brought before his sweet possibility…make sure you not only bring what is needed, but rid yourself of the filth and the weight of what you’ve carried for far too long, stowed in places you’ve long fogotten…and in the words of a wonderfully exemplary Scottish sister in Christ, “Let go and let God.” That is after all what all of us want…
only purity pursuing our possibilities
Don’t waste time adding expectation and admonishment to yourself…the Jews added hedges around the Law which only ever meant what God put in place wasn’t good enough…much like an active salvation in Catholicism renders Christ’s sacrifice not sufficient on its own. Our Faith is not about what we can be doing…but was has been DONE for us. In that light we then probe and prod with excellence about what we are to be doing in this blink of a life. We have quite enought to Live up to and last I checked… God is enough to do this life, with or without a helpmate.
I will probably always run into my unbelief at this point…not so much because I don’t think it possible, but because I don’t understand it. So, instead of sifting through something that may never be understood by me…falling in Love with someone…I don’t just abandon it, leaving it unanswered… I simply, whole-heartedly, and straight-away I pray, give it back to You God.
After my best friend in the whole world told me she could not Love me, my heart broke all at once…but not as you might think. I cried that night for her, but I cried far deeper, full of shame, at the fact that it was really that simple…when you care for someone that much, all you ever want to do is make them happy. And there it was…in order to make her happy I was supposed to get out of her way, give her back, let go! The tough part to wrap my thoughts around was for so long thinking that I was going to fight for this happiness of hers from a much closer distance.
I LOVE HOW SIMPLE OUR GOD IS…short of sounding like a Methodist which I do not purport, this is what should be priority…(not in any order mind you)…Read His Word, be in prayer with Him, and devote one’s self to Loving Him, with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength…and Loving one another as such!
It’s not easy, but it’s so incredibly straight-forward and simple in its request.
So, for all men who desire the sacred and the strong…help us Father with our unbelief and provide us with the strength to wait well, and to live better…our Love depends on it.
Here’s to the fight gentlemen…
such a man