I’ve often wondered about the whole expectation surrounding the wedding ring. I understand that a diamond is an amazing mineral to strap to one’s finger…it is rather captivating as a stone spilled from the earth’s arts and crafts section…but why is it the tangible epitome of nearly every wedding covenant I’ve heard of?
when possibility turns to promise, there is the diamond waiting to be worn.
I had lunch with a wonderful sister in Christ a few weeks ago and simply had to probe this question with her…I know, I know…probably not the wisest of topics to maintain less than romantic discussion, but I trusted I was not auditioning with my words, nor that they were being heard in such ways. Now perhaps I lucked out by sitting across from Chelsea, but she seemed to identify with my questioning of the whole wedding-ring-phenomenon.
I started by tossing my most overarching question at her…“I know they’re very pretty stones, but doesn’t the fact that a diamond sits on nearly every married woman’s finger make them sort of…not unique…not as special?” I know a diamond in and of itself is very pretty…and perhaps even unique as I’m sure with very rare exception, no two are alike. But still…I was more interested in the fact that many of my sisters here at school just heave looks back at me if I suggest that there could perhaps be something else to attach to your finger. Where does that come from…surely it’s not that culture has infused that a diamond is a must…we’re smarter than that.
I shared with Chels my many ideas of what I’d rather do instead of a diamond. I talked of how if I had a lovely, and we shared a graham cracker as our first snack together, I would rather find wherever it is that they actually forge the the gold bands, get back their during that process, with a fingertip sized amount of graham cracker dust in my fist…and baptize that ring as it’s forged with our first snack. “Imagine that,” I told her, you’d be wearing a ring full of graham cracker…wouldn’t that be cool. She just smiled and said she’d gladly wear that long before and with more pride than some diamond I simply coughed up a month’s worth of wages to purchase.
I even chipped in with what I honestly felt was not an idea motivated by being cheap, but moreso by being someone who considers something other than convention. The wedding ring is often extremely expensive as I re-call stories that have gone before me. I suggested to Chels…why not get a simple band, something beautiful, matching perhaps, and then take all the otherwise needed ring-money and go on missions trips, vacations, give it away to others, etc. She loved the idea, but admitted she would still battle that cultured idea hitting full throttle on her heart when all her girlfriends would ask, “Ohh, let me see.” Hmm…that even gets at my heart…after all, my wife should know and believe she’s beautiful at all times.
I then even went the diamond route as best I could anyway. I told her, “If I was ever gonna do the diamond thing, I’d rather pluck it from the earth myself than buy it in some shop.” I talked of how I’d somehow (and I do believe it could be done) find a way to mine alongside diamond-miners either in Africa of in South America and in that way find her her shiny little rock. Haha, I then added that I’d still put graham cracker in the band it sat in!
My point was…and it’s what I asked her…is not the graham cracker or self-mined ring more endearing, romantic and even heartfelt than the razzle-dazzle of a diamond?
It’s not that I think that one way is overall better than another, but I suppose I was more concerned with challenging a lack of creativity. I believe a diamond in the right context is far more beautiful…surpassingly so than any graham cracker, or even any hand-plucked shiny…but the key is the right context! If I had a lovely who remembered looking in the Tiffany and Co. windows with orphaned, dirty and destiture hands thinking she would never be able to even walk in there let alone call something inside her own…then heck yes, you can guess what’s goin’ on her finger!
But perhaps…just maybe it’s the graham cracker…the self-mined shiny…or your own creative tangible promise that ought to adorn her finger long before what lies behind Tiffany’s windows.
I’m all for tradition, but often we fight and bleed for tradition not knowing the inspiration it was first and always meant to be carried out with.
The point is, if you’re gonna go the diamond route, don’t do it simply because it’s what is expected. Do it because it truly means the most to her and represents your heart being given to her. I think if that were remembered along with some creativity and bravery to buck culture every now and again, we would not see so many Princess cut 5.0 white gold, twisted band, crowned set/raised Tiff and Co. replica-ed ring fingers walking up and down everywhere.
Haha, either way ladies…wear your diamonds proudly with your heart shining all the brighter, for it truly is a beautiful sentiment and stone all in one.
But for those guys who have yet to purchase the ring…just consider creativity as well convention…then if you still find yourself saying diamond, you’ll know it’s been uniquely from your heart to hers.