I booked my ticket today for Ireland! This has been a lifelong ambition and over the past decade, a heart-trek that has until recently existed solely in the romantic nooks of my heart. It’s an odd feeling thinking that on May 27 of this month I will heading toward Eire for a 3 month plus adventure. I will scour her land as much as it available to me, visiting ministers, church-planters, orphanages, and hopefully a good handful of men and women waging war for the Lord on this island. But this joyous moment is not without its bittersweet accompaniment. As I surveyed this song of joy in my heart I knew it was an odd sensation for sure, for along with this joy came sadness, lining my soundtrack with groans of threnody. I never thought I would associate anything with sadness on such a time as finally booking voyage to Ireland, but here I stand, humbled and corrected.
I had not been as sad as I was today in a long time! I spoke with my baby brother earlier today, whom I Love. The usual banter went back and forth, and I was entreated even a bit to his heart as he shared about his recent experiences of learning what not do in a relationship. So great to have a brother confide in you when so many other young men choose to do so without question. Hearing his recent gleans of wisdom brought strength to my heart and I could have stayed in that moment for quite some time!
As life would have it thought, he explained to me how he was so looking forward to watching the Word Cup (July 1st) with me this summer before I went to Ireland. I told him I was leaving on May 27th. The air literally felt like it was sucked out of the phone line. He breathed deeply and I knew that in the patch-worked sentence that followed that I had let him down. As if that wasn’t enough my good friend here who is someone I have grown very close to over the past year tells me he wishes to invite me to be part of his wedding party…just his brothers and me in fact! What an honor! Of course his wedding is July 2nd…right in the middle of my mission trip to Ireland.
Forgive me Ireland, I underestimated that you would come at a price right out the gates to my heart. I also underestimated how much my heart would break at the thought of having to leave people. Even tonight in a conversation with my Mom I knew she was not enjoying the ideal of having all her boys home for a whole or even partial summer as there will now only be two days in which we are all within the same state.
I suppose in a very mild way this is the beginning of things needed to be experienced and then learned, in that order. ZFunny how much your heart can go when you know you have no reason to apologize. This would officially be my first prayer request for Ireland…even before ever getting there, pray that my heart can Love by letting go and stay strong.
I will miss things either way as I follow you…Either the things I leave behind, or those things that are awaiting me. My choice to go or stay carries the weight of fulfillment in it. Help my heart stay focused on You, the prize, and know that in honoring You and Your call on my life, I am honoring my family, even if I am letting them down in the momentary.
Thank you for your prayers everyone. I need them!